Our experience is determined by our meanings.
Robert tells his wife Susan that she "has the body of a Botticelli" and she goes ballistic (which she often does when he offers her a sincere compliment).
Susan can choose to feel complimented or insulted or anything in between depending on what particular impression SHE has of the word Botticelli.
Does she know Botticelli was a painter? Does she know how the women in his painings were portrayed? Does she LIKE
how the women look in his paintings?
OR, did she even HEAR what Robert said? Perhaps being unable
to hear clearly, or being unfamiliar with the painter, she heard
"Pot of chili" instead of "Botticelli" so it doesn't even matter what
she thinks of the women in Botticelli's paintings.
We are meaning making creatures and we will fiercely defend
our meanings even when it hurts us to do it.
When we view everything through poop colored glasses, we
will give poopy meanings to everything we experience and of
course, rose colored glasses will make us see things a bit
The important thing is THAT is what our EXPERIENCE will be.
I heard this wonderful story today about Marianne
Williamson being very hurt by something someone said to
her and they explained that it was not their intention
to hurt her. She replied back that neither was it their intention
to LOVE her.
(I was actually quite moved by this story and hastened to put
a yellow sticky note with a red heart on it to remind me to be
mindful of my intention to be loving in every interaction).
But someone can have the intention to be loving (someone
who perhaps LOVES the way Botticelli paints his women) and
if the recipient of this loving comment BELIEVES their spouse
does not love them, or they do not love themselves, the
comment could cut like a knife without her even knowing
what a women in a Botticelli painting might look like!
Robert's wife has so much resentment over unfulfilled (and
mostly unexpressed) expectations that she does not even
WANT to hear his loving compliment. She would rather be
right than experience love.
Take a moment right now and think about some slight you
feel you recieved from someone and make up a story about
how they might have been misunderstood. How might you
have had a "Pot of chili" Moment?
See if you can make that experience so much funnier or
at the very least, harmless. YOU get to choose your
experience of that moment by changing the meaning you
Experience the power of it!,
P.S. If you want to experience how you can Be more calm
and at ease in your relationships, check out the free 5 part
e-course on "Getting The Love You Need" at
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